Disney Channel Original Movies

Can of Worms

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Original release date: April 10, 1999.

Rating: TV-PG

Length: 1 hour, 25 minutes

Background:

Oh no. I finally hit a “Disney Channel Original Movie.” D-coms, as they are often called, are sometimes great but usually the thing of nightmares. They’re made exclusively for Disney Channel (and sometimes its sibling channel Disney XD) and don’t usually have the budget – or the casting – of the movies that hit the big screen.

D-coms went big in the late 1990s and 2000s, spawning stars like Demi Lovato, Selena Gomez, and… some others, probably. The “High School Musical” series blew up, launching stars and being pretty good movies.

I’m mostly used to the D-coms of today, the ones my daughter loves and I’ve grown to begrudgedly like as well – Descendants, Zombies, and the like.

“Can of Worms,” my friends, is not of that caliber. It was the first D-com to be rated TV-PG, mainly due to the creepiness of said worms.

The movie is based on the book of the same name by Kathy Mackel, who was the original writer of the script as well. Disney didn’t like it, canning – ha – her for a new writer who did three rewrites. Disney rehired Mackel, with her winning sole screenwriting credit.

It did okay upon premiere, not scoring crazy high ratings. It hit the archives for a bit until the late 2000s when Disney realized Halloween movies were their jam and threw it into marathons.

Review:

I’m going to be real with you all. I went into this with low expectations. I picked the cheesiest sounding and looking D-com of the list.

It scrapped up on those expectations, but just barely.

There is a plot here, as this did come from a book. Mike Pillsbury, who I assume gets called the Pillsbury Dough Boy at school, believes he is an alien. Some stuff happens.

An alien dog appears. It can talk through a device. Sure. I just reviewed “Up.” An alien lawyer appears. Mike opens a – ready? – can of worms with all of this talk with aliens. It gets more dumb from there. Read the Wikipedia page.

It’s a level of cheese so big that Mickey himself would love it. It’s.. not great. Maybe the book tells it better, but the movie is just… bad.

Extras:

No.

Should you watch it?

No. Don’t watch it. Don’t do that to yourself. Don’t open this can of worms.

Pixar Films

Up

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Original release date: May 29, 2009.

Rating: PG

Length: 1 hour, 36 minutes

Background:

Adventure is out there! That’s the story of “Up,” one of many Pixar films designed to make you laugh and cry.

Development began in 2004 under awesome director Pete Docter, who also directed “Monsters, Inc.” and several other emotion-grabbing Pixar movies including the upcoming “Soul.” He was joined by music director Michael Giacchino, the mind behind the music of “The Incredibles.” The deck was stacked early, friends.

The cast didn’t feature a lot of big names, but Ed Asner took on the starring role as the voice of Carl Fredrickson. Ed is the most honored male performer in the history of the Primetime Emmy Awards largely due to his time on the “Mary Tyler Moore Show,” but today’s generations might best know him as Santa in “Elf.”

Unlike many of the Pixar films before it, there wasn’t much merchandise for “Up” outside of stuffed animals. The marketing machine that churned out thousands of toys of “Toy Story” and “Cars” couldn’t quite find the marketing hook for the old man movie.

The movie did well, earning $293 million in North American box office tickets and $735 million worldwide.

In the land of the critics, it performed remarkably. It was only the second animated film in history to be nominated for Best Picture – the big prize – at the Academy Awards, following in the footsteps of “Beauty & the Beast.” It didn’t win the big one, but it did win Best Animated Feature and Best Original Score.

Among many other awards, it brought home two Annie Awards, two Grammy Awards, a Teen Choice Award and a sea of others.

As most games of its time did, “Up” spawned a video game of the same name. I don’t remember it and can’t even imagine what it would be like, but it hit the Wii, Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, PC, PSP, and even Apple’s App Store.

Review:

The story of “Up” is a tale of love and adventure. As the film starts with the tune “Married Life,” those who have seen it prepare the waterworks. Those who haven’t are in for it.

We meet the childhood version of Carol Fredrickson, who meets a rambunctious redhead named Ellie. They grow together in love and begin working towards her dream of living on top of Paradise Falls. As life happens, the piggy bank instead gets spent on other things. They never reach the goal as Ellie dies and we all cry. If you don’t cry, you have no heart.

The film moves to present day and crotchety old man Carl, still living in the house he and Ellie grew in marriage in. However, the town as grown up around him, with his little house being the only resemblance of a neighborhood left surrounded by large buildings.

We meet Russell, an eager Wilderness Explorer trying to earn his last badge by helping Carl. Carl, naturally as an old cranky man does, says no.

Carl loses his house in a court battle, with the courts declaring he needs to move to a retirement home. Carl handles this in his own way, unleashing a barrage of helium balloons that fly his house up – hey, that’s the movie title! – and away. Little does Carl know, however, that Russell was on the porch. Air balloon house, party of two!

The story goes on as they crash land far earlier than their target, meet a great talking dog named Russell, several less-great talking dogs, and a giant female bird named Kevin. For storyline purposes, they also meet Charles Muntz, a historic explorer who doesn’t quite end up the hero he’s thought to be. Shock!

It’s a great movie that will alternate you between laughing and on the edge of your seat. This is one of those movies that make you appreciate the HD, as you can see the individual balloons.

Extras:

“Up Trailer” – a two minute trailer. Just watch the movie.

“Alternate Scene: Married Life” – This four minute clip includes an early storyboard draft of the opening sequence.

“Disney As Told by Emoji: Up” – The “Told by Emoji” series has covered many Disney movies as a way to seem hip (doesn’t work) and promote the Emoji Blitz phone game (works).

“Russell: Wilderness Explorer” – This nine minute feature introduces Russell, his real-life inspiration, and his young voice actor.

Should you watch it?

A million times yes, watch it. It’s one of the best of the best Pixar movies.

Concert Films, Live Action Films

Taylor Swift: City of Lover Concert

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Original release date: May 18, 2020.

Rating: TV-PG

Length: 42 minutes

Background:

To really go with the background here, we have to discuss Tay-Tay herself. You know her. You probably have strong feelings in one direction or another about her. Maybe you love her! (Honesty: She’s really grown on me from guilty pleasure to just “I think I’m a little bit of a Swiftie”… “1989” was a great album and the new one is fun too). Maybe you can’t stand her because she’s been everywhere for the last decade or so!

As far as where you know Taylor from, that could range too. Maybe you remember her as the little country chick singing about boys. Maybe you remember her as the budding pop star singing… well, about boys. Maybe you remember her from that Jonas Brothers concert movie somewhere on Disney+. Maybe you know her from Kanye doing his thing. Maybe you know her from newfound discovery of speaking her mind (which has been great).

Or maybe you know her from “Cats.” I hope not.

That leads us to the almost present and this “City of Lover” concert special. After the 2019 release of her album “Lover,” there were touring plans that were largely destroyed by the Coronavirus.

However, a few overseas stops happened including one on September 9, 2019 in Paris as an album release concert. It was recorded and gave us some video of the first live performances of many of her “Lover” songs. (She also performed some classics but they didn’t make the special.) ABC picked up the special and aired it, followed by immediately tossing it on both Hulu and Disney+.

Review:

I’m going to be honest with you… there isn’t too much to draw out into a huge review here. This isn’t a drawn out concert documentary with intercut segments of Taylor doing things backstage or talking to her cats. It’s just Taylor in front of a crowd. How much you like Taylor will directly influence how much you like the special.

There are a few minor “filmed backstage on an iPhone” cuts of Taylor playing songs that were lead-ins for commercial breaks. Remember those?

The audience is a very pro-Taylor crowd, as you’d expect, and sing along with everything. It helps. It’s a bit of an intimate concert compared to the gigantic stadium show she has on Netflix. There aren’t constant costume changes and it’s mostly Taylor, a spotlight, and a guitar. A lot of it is even acoustic.

We start with a band-included performance of the ultra-sugary “Me!,” missing the usual added energy of the Panic! at the Disco guy but still fun.

Then Taylor throws the band away and goes acoustic for several new album songs, including “The Archer,” “Cornelia Street,” and hit song “The Man.”

She continues her solo performing with a move to the piano, performing “Daylight.” It’s pretty.

We do get a little color at the end, getting some pink and blue graphics, a band, backup singings and a performance of Taylor’s equality anthem “You Need to Calm Down.”

After that, we slow it down for the finale and the title track “Lover,” which is a great song and will probably be played at every prom for the next twenty or so years.

Extras:

Trailer! Just a trailer.

Should you watch it?

I’m going to be biased and say yes, watch it. It’s an enjoyable show and it really spotlights that hey, she’s become a pretty good musician outside of just the pop music thing. Plus it’s under an hour long. Give it a whirl.

Live Action Films

The Haunted Mansion

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Original release date: November 26, 2003.

Rating: PG

Length: 1 hour, 29 minutes

Background:

Welcome, foolish mortals… to the Haunted Mansion.

That’s what you hear at the beginning of this movie as well as your entry into the Haunted Mansion theme park attraction, the basis that led to this movie.

The attraction first opened in 1969 in California’s Disneyland, followed by versions at Florida’s Magic Kingdom in 1971 and Tokyo Disneyland in 1983. Originally thought of as a walk-through haunted house by Walt Disney, it morphed into a ride-through attraction that is one of the most beloved attractions in all of Disney. It’s my favorite.

The early 2000s brought the idea of making movies out of several Disney theme park attractions. One – “Pirates of the Caribbean” – spawned a blockbuster series. Another, “The Country Bears,” was…. well, it happened. “The Haunted Mansion” landed somewhere in the middle ground. (A “Tower of Terror” film started it all in 1997 and hasn’t landed on Disney+ yet and is generally not spoken of.)

The big draw for the movie was Eddie Murphy, who spent most of the 1990s and 2000s in family films. He acted in the “Nutty Professor” series as well as “Dr. Doolittle,” and voiced popular characters in “Mulan” and the “Shrek” series (The Shrek Cinematic Universe).

Besides that, the store itself was expected to be the draw. It’s based on the amazing theme park ride. It’ll be great, right?

Critics and viewers mostly panned it. It did double its budget, therefore technically making it a success, but has largely been forgotten.

A reboot was announced at San Diego’s Comic Con in 2010 but, ten years later, has yet to surface. Gulliermo del Toro, an Academy Award winner for fantasy films, has been attached to it and, as recently as 2019, still has interest.

An animated series was announced for Disney Channel and Disney XD in 2014 but was later cancelled before production.

Review:

Foolish mortals will note how great the film does look in HD. The mansion – which is the star of the movie – looks amazing. The set designers and prop teams did a thorough job in making it look old and haunted.

The actual movie, though.. well, it certainly is a movie.

The cast – especially Eddie Murphy as Jim Evers as well as the entire Evers family – do the best they can with what they have to work with. They don’t have much to work with, however.

The writing is fairly boring, with the occasional goofy comedy and a little ghostly romance thrown in. The ten minute theme park ride has a better story than the half hour movie.

Theme park fans will be happy to see some characters make appearances. Master Gracey, mansion owner, is around. Jennifer Tilly portrays Madame Leota, the floating gypsy head in the crystal ball, while Disney Parks favorites the Dapper Dans appear as the singing graveyard busts.

The enormous Haunted Mansion fan in me walked away from this viewing – and many other viewers – disappointed. It’s fine. It’s a good enough movie. It isn’t great. Nobody is going to hype it up as amazing, but it’s a decent use of an hour and a half.

Extras:

All you get is a one minute clip of the movie.

Should you watch it?

Just as a fan, I’m going to go with watch it. It isn’t amazing, but it’s a good little family film with roots in Disney history. Eddie Murphy really tried.

The Simpsons

The Simpsons Movie

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Original release date: July 27, 2007. A premiere was held in Springfield, Vermont on July 23.

Rating: PG-13

Length: 1 hour, 27 minutes

Background:

A little known animated show called “The Simpsons” spawned a movie. Crazy, right?

We’ve all heard of “The Simpsons.” With 31 seasons and counting since 1989, the yellow characters that debuted on a short on “The Tracy Ullman Show” have become icons. Matt Groening’s universe of characters (The Simpsons Cinematic Universe) have entertained billions across the world for decades while selling tons of merchandise, advertising Butterfingers, and causing controversy here and there.

After years of success and many attempts at writing a movie, “The Simpsons Movie” finally became a reality in 2007. A promotional blitz preceded it, most notably with several 7/11 stores being transformed into Kwik-E-Mart stores. Burger King, which had done several promotions in the past, had kids meal toys.

The movie debuted at #1, in the end bringing in over $527 million and becoming the second-highest grossing traditionally animated movie of all time (knocking “Aladdin” down to #3 but still $400 million behind “The Lion King” at #1).

It debuted to mostly good reviews and, while not receiving any huge award nominations (MTV Movie Awards do not count as a huge award, sorry), it found a place in pop culture just as the series it is based on had before.

Review:

I’ve been a fan of “The Simpsons” since the show started. I watched the first episode as it aired and kept the tradition alive more often than not up until I finally cut the cord a few years ago. Even then, I’d catch the new episode as soon as I could on Hulu. I’ve slacked in the last few seasons – I haven’t seen any of the last season yet – but the love is there.

I saw “The Simpsons Movie” on opening night in the theatre. Of course I did. It’s one of my favorite movies and one I watch, with joy, once a year or so. This review is biased.

The storyline of the movie is, coincidentally, similar to the Stephen King book “Under the Dome” (a great book with approximately five million pages that I’ve read the first half of three times). Let’s see if I can summarize it here.

Hijinks happen. Homer ends up with a pig, the beloved Spider-Pig. Homer stores the pig’s poop in a silo that pollutes the waters of Springfield.

EPA – the Environmental Protection Agency – not only come after Springfield but put the entire city under a dome, making the city “disappear.”

The family escapes through a sinkhole and travel to Alaska (“The Simpsons are going to Alaska!”). Homer and Marge face marital issues, something they’ve done roughly 85949383 times in the series, while Springfieldians fail to escape the dome.

Thanks to a Tom Hanks commercial, the Simpsons learn the government is planning a new Grand Canyon on the site of Springfield. The Simpsons head back to try to save the town, which… yes, they save it. The show is still around fifteen years later in Springfield.

The movie hits on all the great Simpsons notes. The humor is witty and funny, with clever lines hidden all over. The character work is great, with popular characters, even if reduced to a line or two, hitting their notes. Celebrity guest stars are present, including Green Day performing their version of the theme song and Tom Hanks as Tom Hanks.

“The Simpsons Movie” might be the most controversial movie to hit Disney+ this far. Besides Ned Flanders and the Flanders sons uttering the word “penis,” Bart’s animated member makes a five second appearance on screen, something surprisingly not censored on Disney+.

Extras:

“The Simpsons Movie Trailer” is a minute and is, yes, a trailer.

“Commentary” is a commentary track synced up with the entire movie featuring Matt Groening and the writers and team behind the movie. It’s fascinating.

“Deleted Scene: DMV” (44 seconds), “Deleted Scenes: Emperor Moe” (23 seconds), “Deleted Scene: Levels” (1 minute), “Deleted Scene: Sausage Truck” (36 seconds), and “Deleted Scene: Springfield News” (36 seconds) are all very short things cut out that don’t really add much.

“Deleted Scene: Slightly Alternate Ending” is 42 seconds and is worth a watch.

“Director’s Commentary” is a second full-length commentary featuring the directors of the film. Again, fascinating if you’re into behind the scenes looks.

“Extra: The Simpsons Judge American Idol” is 52 seconds is a fun dose of Fox synergy, as this aired as part of a cross promotion with fellow FOX show “American Idol” (now former FOX show and current ABC show). Simon Cowell, then a judge on the show, is the focus and does voiceovers.

Should you watch it?

Yes, watch it. It’s a fun, witty film that breezes by quickly while showcasing great animation. It helps to be a fan of the show, though you can walk in not knowing Homer Simpson and still enjoy it. Parental guidance is suggested due to language and Bart’s little Simpson appearing.

Television Specials

The Disney Family Singalong

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Original release date: April 16, 2020.

Rating: TV-G

Length: 52 minutes

Background:

Picture it. The world. 2020. COVID-19 is ravaging the world. Everyone is locked down in quarantine, some posting factual things on Facebook while others post conspiracy theories from YouTube. The entertainment business is shut down. Talk show hosts are interviewing guests on Skype from home. Zoom is suddenly a thing, despite none of us having ever heard of it a month ago.

Disney owns ABC. What can we air to fill some time? What about a singalong? What if we get every celebrity we can to video call in? It’s perfect!

(It is kind of a fun idea.)

The special did well, bringing in 10.3 million viewers during its original airing.

Review:

Our singalong adventure begins with clips of various magical Disney moments and the voice of Hosting Robot Ryan Seacrest, who welcomes us to a world of Disney music “when we need it most.” The music we see coming was shot by the entertainers in their own homes with minimal equipment and on their own. There are words at the bottom for us to sing along. Sing!

Kristin Chenowith is first, doing vocal warmups for us in her kitchen which has nothing on the counters. Meh.

Next we go “Beauty and the Beast” with Derek Hough, lip synching for his life to “be Our Guest” and dancing with his girlfriend Hayley Erbert. Derek is apparently a “Dancing with the Stars” person? Julianne Hough joins in via phone and dances too, because why not. It’s cute, I’ll give them that.

Josh Groban is next with “You’ve Got a Friend in Me,” the “Toy Story” anthem.

The country group Little Big Town is next, doing “A Spoonful of Sugar” from their respective houses and such. This is when I realize this was probably all shot on iPhones and technology amazing in 2020. Their kids join in too because this is the family singalong.

Auili’i Cravalho joins us to sing “How Far I’ll Go” from “Moana.” The twist here is that Auili’i IS the voice of Moana, so you have even more of an excuse to sing the anthem at the top of your lungs. Go ahead.

There’s a charity plug for Feeding America and then we are graced by America’s Queen, Beyoncé. Bey sings “When You Wish Upon a Star” and it is perfect because its Beyoncé.

Bey is followed by another knockout voice, former “Glee” star Amber Riley who does “Let It Go.” I’m not sure if any of you have heard of that song, it’s a deep cut off a little known soundtrack. She does it well though.

Darren Criss, another “Glee” person, goes with “I Wanna Be Like You” from “The Jungle Book.” He’s great and it’s great. The Warblers should have done this song.

The cast of “Aladdin,” the Broadway version, join their Genie James Monroe Iglehart for “Friend Like Me.” Will Smith was servicable in the remake, but really they should’ve just gone with James. This is great, much like the musical.

Ariana Grande, pint-size singer and overall extraordinary person, does “I Won’t Say I’m in Love” from “Hercules,” which she notes is her favorite movie. If they don’t cast her as Meg in the live action remake we are undoubtedly getting one day….

Bobby Bones, Erin Andrews, Carrie Ann Inaba and Marcus Schibner do a little bit of “The Bare Necessities.” I’m not sure who they are.

Josh Gad, Olaf himself, is joined by Luke Evans and Alan Menken for a live version of “Gaston” from the live action remake of “Beauty and the Beast.” Alan is the magician behind the music of many of your favorite Disney movies, while Luke was Gaston and Josh was LeFou in the remake. “Gaston” is my favorite Disney song, so this was great.

I liked, “Gaston” is my second favorite. “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from “Mulan” is my favorite, and here’s Donny Osmond himself to sing it. LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS! His grandkids join in, which is cute and acceptable I guess.

Christina Aguilera goes to “The Lion King” for “Can You Feel The Love Tonight,” complete with microphone in her bed. Y’all know Xtina can sing.

Jordan Fisher and friends go for “Under the Sea” from “The Little Mermaid.” Wikipedia tells me he is a singer and on some TV shows.

Tori Kelly does “Colors of the Wind.” She has a great voice for Disney songs.

John Stamos, who I am to believe lives at Disneyland somewhere in New Orleans Square, is joined by actress, writer, model and wife Caitlin McHugh as well as their child Billy for “it’s a small world.” Oh good, that’s what America needed lodged into their heads while they can’t leave their houses. They do it from an authentic Dumbo ride vehicle which is fully expected.

Thomas Rhett, country singer, goes with “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” and of course we all do.

Next is the big reunion of the Kenny Ortega Multiverse, as he is joined by cast members of “High School Musical” (the original and the series), “Descendants” and “Zombies” for a big Zoomified version of “We’re All in This Together,” the catchphrase taken over by corporate America during all of this Coronavirus fun. Zac Efron has horrible WiFi but introduces the rest of the gang. Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale and… the other cast members are there.

Finally, the duo of Demi Lovato and Michael Buble end the night with “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.”

Extras:

None

Should you watch it?

Listen, I came into this thinking I was going to get to snark on it and crack jokes… but then it was really fun. The music is always the high peak of Disney, and all of the music was done well and with some fun enthusiasm here. Gather the kids and watch it.

Live Action Films, Star Wars

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

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Original release date: May 16, 2002. It had a premiere in Tribeca on May 12th.

Rating: PG.

Length: 2 hours, 22 minutes

Background:

A long time ago in a galaxy far away… I did a recap of Episode I. Rocket back to it and you’ll find why George Lucas decided to do a prequel trilogy.

Episode I was a tremendous success, so of course Episode II wasn’t far behind. The film premiered at the Tribeca Film Festival, then made an appearance at the Cannes Film Festival before debuting worldwide.

It… did well. Surprised? Of course not. Worldwide, it brought in over $649 million, though with inflation adjustments it still stands as the lowest grossing live action Star Wars movie of all time.

It has, of course, been rereleased on every home media format imaginable.

Review:

Let’s knock out the technical aspects first. The sound is fantastic. The HD is beautiful and the computer generated imagery looks fantastic.

I feel like I was hard on Episode I in my last review. I said I liked it, but it was a very wavering “like.” Maybe because, out of the prequel trilogy movies, it is the one I’ve seen the most by a good number of times.

Episode II is far superior. It starts out interesting, which is something I can’t say about Episode I (again, maybe because I’ve seen it so many times and played through the beginning on the LEGO game a lot).

I’m just going to give a loose summary again because I don’t want to spoil Star Wars. Count Dooku is threatening the Galactic Empire. Following an assassination attempt, Amidala is put under the watch of Anakin Skywalker as well as Obi-Wan. We are years in the future, so Anakin is no longer a little podracing child but a Hayden Christensen instead.

We find the planet of Kimino, where an army of clones – perhaps set to attack! – are being made for the Republic. I’m going to skip a bunch of middle details here, but there’s a lot of fun fighting involving Yoda, Samuel L. Jackson, and loss of limbs (a Star Wars tradition!).

There is some really fun stuff at the end that kicks off the “Clone Wars” story that spawned an animated movie and companion series as well as sets us right up for the next Episode.

A lot of the things people complained about in Episode I were alleviated in Episode II. There’s more adventure and less taxation. Jar Jar? He’s still here, but in smaller doses and 100% more tolerable. There’s plenty of character development, too.

Now, my updated best-to-worst rankings:

1. Episode 2 – Attack of the Clones

2. Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace

Extras:

Like Episode I, we have a few here but not the sizable amount you’d find on a Blu-ray. There are considerably less than there were for Episode I.

Trailer – It’s a trailer and it is a minute long.

Deleted Scene: Anakin and Ruwee – Did you know Ruwee is Anakin’s father? 47 seconds might help you understand that. I wonder if Anakin is a father.

Deleted Scene: Anakin’s Nightmares – Anakin’s nightmares only last 58 seconds? Lucky.

Deleted Scene: Extended Speeder Chase – If you count 54 seconds total as extended, you’ll love this. We do get more Zam Wesell in this, and she’s a character I wish we had more of, so there’s that.

Deleted Scene: Padme’s Parents’ House – Today on MTV Cribs, take a two minute tour of the home of a senator’s parents.

Deleted Scene: Raid on the Droid Control Ship & Extended Arena Fight – This one gets three minutes and some weird editing, but it’s here.

Should you watch it?

Yes. It’s a Star Wars movie. Watch it. Even on the “not a Star Wars movie” scale, I’d recommend this one. Character development, scenery, and action are all many steps ahead of Episode I. There’s not a bonus feature really worth your time, however.

Live Action Films, Star Wars

Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace

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Original release date: March 19, 1999. It had a premiere in Los Angeles on March 16th.

Rating: PG.

Length: 2 hours, 16 minutes

Background:

A long time ago in a galaxy far away…

… George Lucas decided he needed some more money. The original “Star Wars” trilogy was a smash not only in theatres but toy aisles across the world. Money rolled in. Lots of money. It’s like a Jedi mind trick took over the entire world.

In the early 1990s, Jedi mastermind George decided to start development on a new trilogy… a prequel. The advancements in CGI really helped fuel his interests in developing the stories.

The original three movies would be retitled as Episodes Four, Five and Six. The first prequel, releasing in 1999, would take on Episode One as its title as “The Phantom Menace.” New characters would meet characters from what were now later episodes, with CP30, R2-D2 and Yoda all appearing in Episode 1.

An all-star list of names joined the film, including Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Samuel L. Jackson, and Kiera Knightley.

Upon premiering, the movie didn’t do very well. It opened with a gross of over $64 million, and went on to pull in $924 million. I guess it did okay.

It was rereleased in 3D in 2012, opening with another $22 million and grossing, in 3D alone, $102 million. True story: this is the only of the nine main “Star Wars” films I saw in a theatre. I saw the 3D rerelease and fell asleep. It was the only time I’ve ever fallen asleep in a theatre. I’m sorry, George.

Review:

First, let’s talk looks. It looks great. The HD is fantastic, colors are strong and pop, and CGI looks great. The sound is great as well.

Now, about the move. Episode I is very divisive in the Star Wars fandom. Truthfully, any movie that isn’t one of the originally three is divisive.

Personally, I enjoyed it this time around. It was long… too long. We could have lost half an hour somewhere in this and not have actually lost much.

The most divisive thing that happens in this movie is Jar Jar Binks. Poor Jar Jar. Jar Jar, with his Stephanie Tanneresque “How rude” and all, was clearly designed for children and weirdos like me. He’s annoying, childish, and goofy. I don’t think he’s as bad as everyone says, but I get it.

The other new characters are quality additions to the Star Wars Universe and fit in well. Queen Amidala and Emperor Palpatine especially fit in well, but nobody is a better fit than Darth Maul. Darth Maul, as is tradition with characters named Darth, is just amazingly cool. He has an amazing look and a DOUBLE-SIDED LIGHTSABER. How is this cool guy the bad guy? I sure hope nothing horrible happens to him in this movie.

The movie has confusing moments. The opening scroll, one of the things everybody knows about Star Wars movies, this time includes the word “taxation.” Why. There’s a lot of political dealings and arguments really, which I guess exist in the Star Wars universe as well, but theirs end with lightsabers and Jar Jar Binks. There’s also podracing, which would lead to a good video game.

Unlike most of my movie reviews, I feel bad spoiling Star Wars movies. Even ones from 1999. If you want to know details of how it ends, Wikipedia is your friend or you can of course watch it.

As I review the nine main Star Wars movies, I’m going to rank them. Here’s our rankings so far. Guess what’s #1 out of the one movie I’ve watched this time?

1. Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace

Extras:

We have a few, but nothing to the extensive length you’ll get if you go buy the Blu-Ray or the boxed set.

Trailer – Yep, it’s a trailer and it’ll take a minute of your life. Do you need a trailer to go see a Star War?

Deleted Scene: Anakin’s Return – Anakin returned. It took all of 17 seconds, going by the runtime.

Deleted Scene: Bail Organa of Alderaan – 19 seconds, but an interesting one for SW nerds. Bail Organa, as portrayed by Adrian Dunbar, was cut from Episode 1. The character was recast in Episode II with Jimmy Smits, so this is a rare opportunity to see the original Bail.

Deleted Scene: Battle on the Boarding Ramp – Another 19 seconds. I said cut the movie down half an hour, but they just chopped off twenty seconds here and there.

Deleted Scene: Complete Podrace Grid Sequence – This IS a good one. At six minutes, you can even count it as an actual scene. As you’d expect, this is the c omplete podrace sequence. Characters were cut out of the final version, but they’re here!

Deleted Scene: Extended Podrace Wager – Yep, it is as titled and for a minute of time.

Deleted Scene: The Battle is Over – Another whole twenty seconds.

Deleted Scene: The Waterfall Sequence – What happens when Qui-GOn, Obi-Wan, and beloved Jar Jar go over a waterfall? Take one minute and see!

Deleted Scene: Trash-Talking Droids – Robots talk trash! 27 seconds of trash!

Should you watch it?

Spoiler alert – I’m going to say watch it for all nine movies. It’s the Star Wars trilogy. It’s hardly the best of the movies (or even its trilogy), but it looks fantastic, the characters are fun and the kids will love it. Excluding the podrace segment, the deleted scenes aren’t worth your time.

The Simpsons

Maggie Simpson in Playdate with Destiny

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Original release date: March 6, 2020

Rating: G

Length: five minutes

Background:

When the gigantic megacompany that is Disney purchased 21st Century Fox in 2019, a lot of assets came with it. One that had everybody talking was the Mouse’s sudden ownership of “The Simpsons.”

Homer, Marge, and the gang all immediately became part of the Disney Universe. The movie and the many seasons of the show would be on Disney+ upon launch.

With the debut of Pixar’s “Onward” in 2020, Disney decided to do something a little different than the norm for Pixar releases. Most Pixar movies have a Pixar short before them when they run theatrically. “Onward” instead started off with Maggie Simpson.

Thanks to the coronavirus taking over the world shortly after the movie’s release, “Onward” and its theatrical run were cut very short as theaters across the world temporarily closed their doors. With that, both “Onward” and its Simpsons short came to Disney+ just a month after release.

Review:

The “Simpsons” team has always been clever with their pop culture references, and you get that immediately with the classic Mickey head silhouette… which turns into Homer with two donuts.

The short itself is very cute and packs a LOT into its short timespan. The colors of the Springfield world look vibrant and pop off the screen, from the yellow of the characters to the purple of the family car.

Maggie, the mostly speechless infant of the Simpsons clan, meets a boy at the playground. She falls for him quickly, and they have a lot of imaginative fun… then the boy’s mother picks him up.

Maggie goes through withdrawal, as young lovers do, and shows many comedic signs such as chugging her bottle like beer.

Thanks to Homer, she gets driven to a train track where the boy loads on a train… and she can’t catch him. He’s gone.

Except he isn’t because it is a circular track. Happy ending!

There’s a bonus Disney reference in the “Gracie Films” tag that follows the short as well.

Extras:

No extras for you.

Should you watch it?

Yes, watch it! “The Simpsons” actually worked well in this short format with no dialogue. I’d like to see more shorts like this. While some of the more recent episodes can be a struggle to get through, this flew by even faster than its five minute runtime promised.

Donald Duck Shorts

Corn Chips

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Original release date: March 21, 1951

Rating: TV-G and “may contain outdated cultural depictions”

Length: six minutes

Background:

As the 1950s kept on rolling, so did the Disney shorts. Following the debuts of Chip and Dale in the 1940s, they quickly became featured stars in Disney shorts.

“Corn Chips” was directed by Jack Hannah, an animator who was NOT the zoo keeper Jack Hanna (much to my confusion reading the name).

Review:

Following the Donald Duck title card (yes, it’s officially a “Donald Duck” short), we see the title screen firmly focusing on our chipmunk friends.

As Donald shovels snow in his driveway, two little pesky chipmunks shovel snow off of a tree limb above and into his space. Without even being noticed, he moves them down to shovel it for him… and they do.

Donald laughs, having been discovered, and goes inside with a clean walkway. Chip and Dale immediately plot revenge, spying him popping popcorn inside. They get in as Donald checks the door and immediately make a mess, spilling his box of popcorn kernels. Back in the day, children, there were no microwaves.

As Donald pops, the two little chipmunks find their way into his bowl of popcorn. Donald reads and eats popcorn, looking down to see Chip headed out the door with the bowl. He chases them outside to a tree, where he steals the bowl back… or the popcorn, at least.

The two sides, duck and chipmunk, continue going until we get a victor. Can you guess who?

Extras:

No extras for you.

Should you watch it?

Hardly essential, this one is worth a skip it recommendation. It’s cute and funny, but you’re not missing much by skipping it.

Riding in the Disney time machine to review everything Disney from 1928 to today!

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